Big News! The health care reform act has been passed and not without a deep political divide. As much as it is a win in the minds of some, it is also a loss in the sense of that politic divide in this country has just widened. With this bill becoming law, it has galvanized the distrust and resulting chasm among our leaders and the American people. I raise this front page news as a way to introduce a larger conversation about the way we engage in debate.
I was talking with someone yesterday who had recently begun attending our church and she commented on how the church she had just left did things differently and for whatever reason, it tweaked me just a bit. Luckily, I remembered this profound and yet obvious perspective and here it is: I don’t have to have everyone agree with me in order to accept them.
Another way of saying it is that, I can distant myself from my ideas and see others ideas as distant from them – not being mine or their identity. This way, I can respect and enjoy the person while seeing our ideas as second in level of importance and as something that will change over time, anyways.
To develop this a bit further, instead of speaking in absolute terms, I describe my current thinking based upon my present knowledge of the subject and the lens through which I see things. This has been hugely helpful for me because then I don’t corner myself and then have to defend my idea to the death because I started out with an absolute.
By the way, I didn’t change my style of dialogue because I wasn’t good at it. Actually, I’m pretty good at debate especially in the area of religion, the Bible, doctrine, and theology. I have won many debates and yet lost myself in the process and others – not to mention the opportunities to have learned more and grown as a result.
I guess my question to you is if you also have a sense that the way we are talking about issues that matter from the top down seems ineffective largely because it is about winning rather than truly learning. I would love to hear your thoughts on how we can better converse in the workplace, home, and social life about faith, politics, and a million other hot button issues that arise on a daily basis.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Not every conversation that I engage in goes the way I would like it to. But that doesn't stop me from engaging in them. It has taken longer than I would like to admit but I believe I have started to really learn from my conversational mistakes. It has always frustrated me to have someone say we can talk about anything except religion and politics and definitely not together. People have strong opinions and convictions concerning these areas. But we definetly have trouble broaching the subjects outside of the circles that contain agreeing parties. I am aware that these topics can create a firestorm of emotions creating tensions at work, building higher fences between neighbors, and families suffer divides that make the San Andreas Fault look stable. If my beliefs and values are worthy of someones attention then I think its important that I approach the beliefs and values of others as having value and worth. I give value and worth to the relationship by being open to thier ideas, values and convictions. I would be excited to share my point of view and win someone over to my way of thinking but that rarely happens if I am not open to hearing from them. Part of any relationship building dialogue wether with my wife, children, friends and especially new aquaintences involves a conversation I must have that helps me understand them better. That is my conversation (prayer) with God. This is not a secret hocus pocus that my God will give me the ability to hood wink people thing. No, it more about sharing ideas and getting to know people and I believe God knows people better than anyone. God's word asks, Can two walk together unless they be in agreement? I don't have to win every discussion like I'm keeping score. I think that every new aquaintence can be a devine encouter that God has set up to introduce Himself to others. I'm a part of His family and He wants everyone I meet to know Him. That won't happen if I make a debate out of every encounter or pick a fight to prove my point.
ReplyDelete